I’m All About That Bass Too, But…

EDIT (2016): So over 2 years later, I am finally getting back to this to mention that I have learned a few things and have one amendment. “Skinny shaming” is not a thing, just like “reverse racism” isn’t a thing. When one group is systemically oppressed, you can’t say they are then oppressing their oppressors. That … that isn’t how that works. So I feel like my second point in this post is a bit reactive, but I still think we shouldn’t pit body types against each other. Also, spoiler alert: Meghan Trainor was a one-trick pony.

I _love_ this song, to be honest. Musically, it’s quite good and overall, it’s adorbs. It’s _mostly_ a great message. But I take serious issue with two specific lines/sections of the song. And so I took like ten minutes. I changed some of the lyrics and suddenly that song is great again. Boom, done. It’s that easy, folks.

The two problem sections in “All About That Bass”:

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”
You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll
So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along

Because whether or not a boy wants to hold my booty determines whether or not I should be happy with my size? No thanks. I assure you, your size and shape are wonderful and beautiful and it isn’t because some dude might like it.

My proposed solution:

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size

Ain’t no magazine can ever tell you what’s wrong or right

You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll

So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along

Simple. I’m no songwriter, but it works.

Second issue, and this is a doozy:

I’m bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
No I’m just playing. I know you think you’re fat
But I’m here to tell ya
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

Those “skinny bitches”? They’re human beings. They happen to be shaped that way, and sadly for all of us, they happen to be idolized in today’s society. That’s not their fault, I assure you. Let’s stop all this pitting different body types against each other? It’s just another way to disenfranchise women.

My proposed solution:

I’m bringing booty back

And no it’s not for you so take a walk

And when you’re skinny but you think you’re fat

I’m here to tell ya

Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

Yeah, ‘walk’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘back’ perfectly but neither did ‘that’ so

Dealwithitcat

Now you have new lyrics. Learn them. Sing and dance in the mirror with a clear conscience.

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